


Near To You

by flufflebutt



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-16
Packaged: 2017-11-16 12:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flufflebutt/pseuds/flufflebutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean died six months ago, and then Jo met Adam. She still isn't quite over Dean's death, but might be falling for the brother she never knew Dean had, who fell for her long ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Near To You

**Author's Note:**

> Just as a note, the main pairing in this fic is Jo/Adam with implied past Dean/Jo-ish.  
> Inspired and written to "Near To You" by A Fine Frenzy

  
_He and I had something beautiful_   
_But so dysfunctional, it couldn't last_   
_I loved him so but I let him go_   
_'Cause I knew he'd never love me back_   


It's nights like this I wonder if she might actually know who I am. There is no way to tell I'm related to Dean, our last names are different, and I don't really look like him or anyway. But after her fifth drink, she looks at me like she loves me, and I know she doesn't, which is a shame since I'm falling for her, but I know that's the look she has when she thinks about Dean. After about her 7th and my 6th drink, we're stumbling back to the hotel room, her hands are in my hair, and she's kissing me like her life depends on it, and I'm kissing back just the same, until we fall on the bed, and suddenly it's like the first night all over again (where I say 'this is the last time, it's not you she loves' but I know it isn't the last time).

  
Sometimes when she laying next to me, half asleep, half just dazed, I think about telling her. "Hey you know that guy you dream about, the one who died? Yeah, I'm his half-brother, surprise!" but I'm afraid of how she'll react. Instead I just kiss the top of her head and hold her.

  
_Such pain as this_   
_Shouldn't have to be experienced_   
_I'm still reeling from the loss,_   
_Still a little bit delirious_   


  
Sometimes when I'm helping her mom and her out at the Roadhouse I see her get this little glint in her eyes when someone walks in, hoping it's him again. Sometimes Sam comes in, I hide, and I see her face drop, he doesn't come by often anymore.

  
Sometimes when we're together at night, she has nightmares, and I know what they're about. She was there when he died, when he died protecting her and Sam, she cries his name in her sleep, and it's hard to wake her up.

  
Sometimes she has good days, sometimes it's like she's totally over it, we always get our hope up, thinking she's okay now, but then the next day she walks in in her mood again, and we know she's not okay yet.  
She once explained to me that it's not the fact she never got to act on her feelings, it's the fact that she knows they were returned but neither of them really said anything. And that he's a bastard for leaving before the right place and right time came.

  
_Near to you, I am healing_   
_But it's taking so long_   
_'Cause though he's gone_   
_And you are wonderful_   
_It's hard to move on_   
_Yet, I'm better near to you._   


  
Ellen once told me that she got better once she met me, that she seemed to slowly be getting over him a bit.  
I don't see it.  
Sometimes though, she just walks over to me and hugs me really tightly, and she doesn't go to anyone else for that, just me. It's another time I'm slightly convince she knows I'm his brother.

I should probably tell her eventually, but I'm scared she'll look at me the way she looks at Sam, and I don't know if I could take that.

Sometimes I wonder if loving Jo Harvelle is a lost cause.

 

  
_You and I have something different_   
_And I'm enjoying it cautiously_   
_I'm battle scarred, I am working oh so hard_   
_To get back to who I used to be_   



End file.
